Over at Romance Writer's Revenge, Marnee asked about how we as a writer put ourselves on the pages. Here is part of my response...

My heroine, wants to be loved and accepted, something that I myself never really felt. I never felt I could do anything right, no matter how hard I tried to make people happy. I finally gave up and am much happier myself.

As Paul Harvey would say, "And now, for the rest of the story."

Anyway, I knew I needed to give her a reason for feeling this way, her family is horrible, mine wasn't so bad. Her father so horrible that when my uncle committed suicide last year, I had to kill off her father too. My therapy, my way of vengeance. You see, my uncle was a victim of sexual abuse as a child and he never healed. Drugs, alcohol, many attempts at suicide, he even threatened to kill his father, my grandfather. I never judged him harshly, given his shoes who knows what I would have done. My gf never asked for forgiveness, pretty much told my uncle to get over it. Yeah, a real monster. Talk about putting yourself on the pages. It was a wonderful form of therapy. The thing I never understood was the way most of the siblings continued to love a man that had treated them this way, I tried to convey my heroine in a like manner, it wasn't easy. Your natural instinct is to hate. She did both just like the siblings.

Oh don't get all down. My uncle is free from pain, and my gf well he's still ticking, ironically he has prostate cancer. A fitting punishment for a man like him? Possibly. As it turns out gf was horribly abuse as a child too. I realize this is one of those taboo topics, but it happens. It happens all the time, and the more people become aware, the more they realize they are not alone, and the more they can make others aware to try and prevent it.

I admit I'm a Reality TV junkie, or at least I used to be. It's all kind of getting old. But the one show I faithfully watch is Biggest Loser. There's something different. It encourages positive change in lives, even through some of the back biting, which honestly there isn't as much as there is on some shows.

For those of you who caught Tuesday night's episode you know there was more to the show than challenges, losing weight, and eliminations. This season is all about families. There have been husband/wife teams, mother/daughter, father/daughter.

Last week Amy was sent home, her husband Phil had to remain at the ranch without her. With her gone his heart was no longer in the game. At one point he said something along the lines that he hadn't realized how much he really loved her until he spent that time alone. As it turned out, Phil and Amy were to celebrate their 20th wedding anniversary. Well Phil got sent home, I think much to his relief. He missed his wife.

At the end of the show, Phil entered a jewelry store where he picked out a beautiful band with five diamonds, "one for each of their four years together," he said. Then he met his wife, to her surprise, in the exact spot he had proposed to her 20 years prior. He asked her once again to marry him and led her upstairs to waiting family, friends, and a minister. It was quite romantic, and it even brought a tear to the eye. ;)

that the backside of some primates turn red during ovulation? I knew they turned red but not during ovulation. Interesting.

So I was reading an article on CNN Wearing red may boost your sex appeal, well duh. I wonder how much money the study cost to figure that one out. I mean, come on people, why do so many women wear red lipstick, or red nail polish? Why do you find so much lingerie in...red?

All they had to do was ask romance writers. We could have told them that. What color do we as writers tend to paint our heroine's lips? And whoa, hello, don't our heroines blush, and prettily too, which tends to leave our heroes off kilter a bit.

Do you think red boosts sex appeal? If it didn't wash me out so much, I'd consider wearing it, other than a soccer shirt, I don't think I own anything red. Hell, I don't even own a piece of lingerie, then again, it's hard to find anything appealing for my body shape.

I've spent some time this evening researching agents. I came up with a list of seven or eight, two of which are questionable. I wanted ten. I don't know why I'm firm on that number, but obviously I didn't find ten.

I had this plan of attack or so I thought, now I'm not sure about my strategy. I thought to send my query out to a few and see if it was workable, you know, see if I got any bites. If the query looked good, then I'd send it out to a few more.

Well, my plan was to begin at Romance Writers of America, but it seems their agent sources haven't been updated since March, that was 7 months ago. A lot can change in 7 months. And although a writer should research an agency to see who and what they represent, not all the agencies listed have websites. Then there is the issue that not all acquiring agents are listed on the site.

So where does one such as I turn? Do I hunt down every person that has recently landed an agent and interview them over their agent? I mean googling for a literary agent is like sending a virgin down 5th and Main in heels, mini-skirt, and a fur coat, packing nothing but double Ds and a lollipop.

Yeah, the image can be striking, but seriously in every corner of our world predators lurk waiting for some unsuspecting innocent to waltz their way, even in the publishing industry. I've heard stories from those you would have thought had the wits not to be lured in, but they were, and all they found was empty promises and their wallets a bit emptier.

I even once met an agent. Looked good on the outside, very put together, even sounded good. But when I researched the agency, I found no clients. The website hadn't even been updated for a few years. A total red flag. Not all red flags can be seen though.

Any advice, or should I say, any agents you suggest?

Oh, and I guess I'll be doing Nano, anyone else?

I really have to come up with some kind of schedule. My life is so out of control and my brain is feeling every bit of it.

I need to make a list for blogging. Schedule a time for exercise, for writing, and for vegetating with a good book.

This week, I've to set some physical goals, you know like crunches, push-ups that kind of stuff. I finally broke down and bought tennis shoes. Anyone who know me, knows I prefer barefoot, but it's getting a bit chilly.

I'm also going to TRY to commit to an hour a day of writing.

As for reading, I have this huge TBR pile.
Mr. Cavendish, I presume ~ Julia Quinn
Seduce Me At Sunrise ~ Lisa Kleypas
Secret Desires of A Gentleman ~ Laura Lee Guhrke
Seduction of A Proper Gentlemen ~ Victoria Alexander
The Edge of Desire ~ Stephanie Laurens
The Wedding Challenge ~ Candace Camp
By Love Undone ~ Suzanne Enoch

Not to mention that I have about fifty unread novels in my closet, some of which I will need to read before I read the ones listed above. I know, I know, I've been a bit slow reading lately, it's not like I've been finishing a book or anything.

Right now, I'm ready Lucky Charm by Carly Phillips. It's a contemporary, so out of my box, but Kelly and Maura decided on that one for their monthly RRT review, which will be featured this Thursday. As soon as I finish reading it, VA here I come, I can't wait to read Seduction of a Proper Gentleman, then it's on to Suzanne Enoch.

The others, well I have to make sure there aren't any previous books in the series. That's just my OCD.

Renee

I'm back a little sooner than I expected. But I thought that I should clarify something. In yesterdays blog, I made a comment about how I've enjoyed my teenagers thus far. And I truly have. But it hasn't been easy. Not at all, and in no way am I near done raising them.

First I have to say, at times I feel very old and I haven't yet hit 40.

Second, kids are kids. Teenagers are teenagers. It wasn't that long ago that I myself was a teen. Inside of me there was a wild child itching to get out, but there were lines to be followed, parent imposed and self-imposed. At the time, I never knew that if I screwed up, my parents would still love me. This isn't to blame them, because even if they had assured me otherwise, I never would have believed them.

The process of children growing their wings and sprouting them is painful for child and parent. And it's a total learning process, and as with everything, each child is different. Not that one child is favored more or less over the other, it's just that children are unique individuals, they are little humans with thoughts and emotions of their own. There was a time that Mr. Scott and I could chase away the boogie man and the kids would trust us, well for the most part, we have one that never trusted in anything other than her own thoughts, she's still that way. As the kids have grown, their trust in our judgment has become less and less. They discovered crossing the street isn't as bad as we made them believe. They've discovered they can swim without the floaties and not every snake is poisonous. ;)

My oldest turned 18 over the summer and we survived her, even her stint into discovering online predators. Thankfully, she wasn't a statistic that wound up dead or worse sexually assaulted. We made it clear to her that she was inviting predators into our home. Not only had she invited danger to herself but to her siblings as well. But the most important thing we made sure she knew was that we loved her.

My next three, well one is mid journey, one's just beginning, and the other I'm ready to send to live with her sister. ;) They are all going to screw up, in some way, shape, or form. Yes, they are adding to the wealth of gray on my head, but I love them dearly and I love watching them turn into the young man and women they will be.

My 15 yr old dd, has a free artistic dreaming spirit. A beautiful musician-she could probably play anything she put her mind to. And I want her to dream, even if they aren't realistic. Seriously, how many people do you think see publishing a book as realistic? Those who've done it and those who are dreaming it. Those who support the dreamers, some believe it to be realistic others, well they just show their support.

My 13 yr old ds, he's strong willed, always has been. But he loves his mom, he's not afraid to hug me or kiss me on the cheek in public. He likes fast expensive cars and big guns. He hates to draw, although I see the desire to do so sometimes. Yet, he brings home wounded animals and tries to save them, sadly we've lost a few, but those are the facts of life. There are times when I still have to prove that even though he's taller than I am, I can still put him in his place if need be.

My 10 yr old soon to be 20 dd, well she's going through her snotty stage and I honestly believe that is why I enjoy my others so much. Just joking. She's a lot like me. She loves to create stories in her head, she loves to dance, and she loves music. Just like my other girls. There is a sense of freedom in the arts, a way to let our wild spirits free.

I try not to crush them. I try to keep them in line and respectable to others. I try to keep my eyes and ears open. But I have to let them at some point in time make their own choices. Those choices may not always be right, but they're not always going to be wrong. For the most part we learn from our mistakes (WISDOM), some people are just a bit slower than others, and some will never learn.

My kids are good kids even though they occasionally do bad things, like sneaking out of the house at 2:00 a.m. But they gained wisdom that night when the sheriff brought them home. ;)

When I was a teen I swear my mother hated me and couldn't wait to be rid of me. When my oldest turned 18 I didn't hate her and I made sure she knew it, but I also let her know when she crossed the line, whenever she tried to be mom.

I watched the teenage years approach in dread, scared that I would fail, and trust me there is still plenty of time, but something that I've learned over the past few years, life is way too short to let moments pass.

Yes, they drive me nuts. Yes, they give me the greatest joy ever. And yes, I only have a few years left with them under my roof. I pray that we've done our job and that they will make the right choices. I pray that they'll pass the drugs and alcohol by and that they'll wait until they are settled in life before they have kids of their own, but I'm also realistic. So I pray. And I pray.

Have fun with the kids. Do things with them, even if it's their thing, like yes getting on the skateboard, or dancing in the living room to their groove.

As you all know I've been somewhat AWOL. I'm here, I'm well, and for the most part I am happy. I dislike when things are out of my control even though I know when it comes down to it I have absolutely no control over anything.

The truth of the matter, life goes on even if it isn't in the direction we wish it to go.

I spent the weekend in the great outdoors while the boy took a hunter safety education course. I know, don't roll your eyes. Even if he never hunts at least he knows the safe way to handle a firearm. And he now knows that he should always treat a gun as if it were loaded. He also got a crash course in survival, which is good for everyone to know for that 'just in case' incident. I plan on going more in depth with him on survival, he loves the outdoors, and well you just never know.

While I was playing the responsible parent out in the field, Mr. Scott was playing soccer coach. I've missed two games this season, where in the past I don't think I've ever missed a game, even when I had more than one child playing on different fields at the same time. But this season we welcomed my niece, Veronica, at 3 lbs. 9 oz, during the first game.

On Saturday, I missed my youngest dd's goal. I was quite bummed, but my father was able to capture the moment on camera.

Mr. Scott is under the weather. He never gets ill and now since we've started our own business, this is the second time he has fought off whatever it is-I'm believing it might be overwork syndrome-he doesn't know when to rest, he works until the job is done.

The boy turned 13 on Monday, so I officially have three teenagers and one who thinks she should be. Oh, the joy! :) Really though, I am enjoying them immensely. I wish I had more time to do the things that we've never done, or do more of the things we have, like fishing or camping. We haven't taken the kids skating in weeks. That is something that we enjoy doing as a family, but soccer has taken over for a while.

Tomorrow, we celebrate my father, db, and the boy's birthdays. Good food, probably lots of stuff I can't eat, but that is okay. I'm sure there will be plenty that I can. I'll just have to double check with my mother and see. No biggie, right? Well, after last week's melt down, my brain is fighting my body. One wants pop tarts, the other refuses to allow it into its system. A braut on a bun smothered in kraut...oh, it is a favorite but not digestible. I'll just give my bun to the dogs. ;)

Anyway, I'm still gearing up for Liam and Anne's story. I'm quite a bit into it but not far enough. I'm leaning toward a Jan 1 deadline, but I also don't want to set myself up for failure. So we will see how comfortable I am with writing this one.

Well, I've rambled on enough-I'll try to update at least once a week, and I need to get back to the Wednesday's Weigh-in, not that much has changed there. I guess it's good that I haven't gained any, but I haven't lost either. Time to start walking again.

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I've been AWOL for a while. Between some pretty mega family issues and finishing up revisions on Hellion's Haven, I've been deep in a cave, and not always a writing cave.

Sometimes it's hard to write, or even socialize when you are so caught up in family drama. No, it has nothing to do with my kids or my very wonderful Mr. Scott.

Hopefully the drama will soon end and I can get back to putting my attention fully on romance and not killing everyone in my stories.

Renee

By the way, yes, I finished Hellion's Haven yesterday and it is off to my most wonderful fantastic cps.