I wanted to write this awesome blog on all the reasons I hate making New Year resolutions. Then crap hit the fan and I was in a real bad place. Emotionally, I felt as if my heart had been ripped out, shoved back in, ripped out again. This process went on for hours until I literally felt as if I were going to vomit. There were times during the day, I would calm myself, only to fall back down into the pit of despair.

It was during this time I contemplated writing a murder mystery from the murder's point of view. To keep my mind occupied and my hands busy, I finally opened chapters 9-12 of Hellion's Highlander for some polish. I came across this paragraph.

She fought hard to find grief in her father’s death. She tried hard not to find a bit of pleasure knowing he died the way he had. However, she chastised herself, it wasn’t Godly. It wasn’t right to wish ill will of others, even if they were monsters of the worst kind. And although, there was a small part of her that wished she'd been the one to cut out his bowels, she knew in her heart of hearts she never could have. She may have killed men in battle, but never in such a cold calculating manner.

Talk about putting yourself on the pages. When I first wrote this almost a year ago, my uncle had just committed suicide. I was angry at the abuse he'd suffered as a child that drove him to drugs, alcohol, and eventually death. Now, don't get me wrong, I think everyone has a choice, well almost. When an innocent child is abused by the people who should love and nurture them into adulthood, that child may not have a choice but to accept what is given them because they know no better. However, my uncle had a choice. He had a choice to fight the demons plaguing him. And he did for a long time, until finally he could no longer control them. The thing is, he probably could have continued his fight if he wouldn't have fallen back to his addictions.



Fast forward to yesterday. It seems like the God has granted us experience in the past to deal with the future. I don't know how much I can say or even if I should say anything at all. But when you love someone so very much, and their hearts are so tenderly precious, it hurts like hell to see not only the emotional abuse but the physical abuse. It's also hard to know that the signs can be a good thing, because at least we see them and the abuser is getting careless. The more documentation, the better for the child, the sooner the child can be safe.

When I came to this paragraph, it was unexpected. I had forgotten about it and it was in a place-well, totally unexpected. It hit me hard, I cried. I don't like feeling hate. In fact, it makes me angrier when a person evokes those kind of emotions out of me. I mulled over the words, and I felt them. I changed a few, then changed them again. Pulled between what I really wanted to write and holding myself back from those strong emotions.

Writing has been good therapy for me over the last year, especially over the last few months. Not that I needed it, well maybe just a little. In the real world, sometimes your hands are tied by the legal system that should be there to protect the innocents. You feel helpless, sometimes hopeless. In my writing world I can create mayhem. I can deal justice in a fitting manner, and I can leave it all on the pages.

As you look back over the past year, count your blessings. As you look forward to the New Year, pray for those blessings to continue, may God bless you in abundance with love and friendship. I'll leave you with an Irish blessing I shared over at RRT.

An Irish Blessing for the New Year-

May joy and peace surround you,
Contentment latch your door,
And happiness be with you now,
And bless you evermore.

Renee

What inspires you?

Totally crazy that I'm sitting here under a tornado watch waiting for the storms to pass over. I've relaxed some what over the years and typically would have gone to bed by now. But, my youngest stayed the night with my oldest, who doesn't receive a single television station and does not have a weather radio. I'm not even sure she can tune into a local radio station.

A mother's worry! So, I've opted to wait it out for a bit. You know, just in case.

Gloria Gaynor's song comes to mind every year around the holidays. Not that I'm looking at losing someone I love or anything, although when it comes around I wonder how dh and I make it through without divorce papers.

But we survived and with little stress, for the most part. There was that incident at Wal-Mart when I almost vomited on the cashier when she rang up my total, but other than that, not bad.

The in-laws even took it in stride that we weren't coming over Christmas morning. I think mom-in-law was a bit disappointed. But, hey, you get to a time in your life, when you really need to build memories with your own kids instead of jumping through everyone's hoops. Took 20 years, but I think I'm there. Thank the Lord, dh says. He's been trying to get me to see reason for years.

We spent entirely too much on Christmas. As my father says, we did our part to keep the economy moving. Hopefully it helped. Even though we spent lots of cash, it's not like my kids are overly spoiled. Blessed, yes. Spoiled, of course. But they got things they needed, like clothes and winter coats.

Anyway, I'm glad it's over with. My baby's birthday is next week, she'll be 11, so it's time to move from Christmas to birthday.

Then to the New Year, which I've already begun thinking about the things I wish to accomplish in 09. I've actually been speaking with one of my critique partners, trying to come up with an accountability system. I obviously need it.

What is you wish to accomplish? Are there things you set out to do in 08 that you didn't?

Whether you’re gifting or buying for yourself, what’s on your Christmas book list?

Come share at Romance Roundtable

Round two of the American Title writing competition has begun and I have to say, this is bound to be a tight competition.

I was introduced to American Title last year when Helen Scott Taylor guest blogged over at Alice Audrey's. After following that final round there was no way I was going to miss a round this season.

And so, here I am.

Round one began with first lines. And for those who know me, I'm all about first lines. As I read through those lines, and then through the panel's comments, I found myself mostly in agreement. It was a tough vote, but vote I did.

I waited patiently for round two. Once it began, I devoured the lines. Then I began to read the panel comments, not that they'd sway my vote any. I was pretty sure who'd I vote for.

Many of us enter writing contest all the time, we're used to the criticism. We should have tough skin, even if there are times we want to scream at our judges.

American Title is a public venue, the panelists put their thoughts out there for all to see. And one comment struck me like a fist. I did a double-take. Hmmmm...I wondered, if I were this contestant how would I react? And then I wondered how the contestant felt.

I want to invite all contestants and American Title V readers to discuss round two here, and only round two. This isn't a bashing ring but a discussion, so please keep it all civil. Sheesh, as if I had to ask, but with yummy sorcerers, brooding gargoyles, gambling, and a bit of magic you just never know what might be tempted to slip from the mind and onto the keyboard.

If you are a reader and have a comment to leave for these wonderfully talented writers then please do so, I know they'd appreciate it. If you have a question, ask, although I can't guarantee it'll be answered, especially if it interferes with future rounds.

If you are a contestant, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the panel comments. What, if anything have you taken from their comments?

Don't procrastinate, go VOTE! You must enter your vote by December 29th.

I've always wanted to be something more than I am, but I haven't quite figured out what that something is.

This weeks blog pic....

Following Your Gut: How Not To Miss the Road Signs on the Path To Your Authentic Life

I don't work outside the home. Not typically anyway. Back in May, due to circumstances not of our own making, we had to start our own business. In July, we acquired a building and in August we officially opened. During the summer, I'd help with whatever I could. Some cutting here, sewing there, that sort of thing. I'm getting to where I can now walk in and not feel intimidated by the tasks set before me, at least for the most part.

On Saturday, dh brought a project into the shop, and it had my name all over it. Once we figured out our plan of action, it wasn't so bad. There were a few moments when I wanted to bash hub's head in with yard stick. I get his need for control, especially when it comes to shop related things, but after working through the weekend and a few 12 hour days, his lack of confidence and incessant hovering got to be way too much. I was tired! I was cold! (Not only had the heater quit working at home, but the shop doesn't heat easily, the bricks seep coldness, even more so in 20 degree weather.) Having skipped breakfast and lunch and nearing the evening meal, I was hungry! Hubs had other work to do. After a huff, a cross the arms, a scowl, and a whatever, he finally left me alone.

I finished the job last night. He needed to install the job this morning. I worried. What ifs, ran wildly through my head. I couldn't stand the thought that I might have done something wrong, both for the customer's sake and mine. I told hubs not to call me after it was done. I didn't want to know. I wanted to forget about the job and move on to something else. Whatever the something was, I succeeded. I had forgotten all about the job, until he called.

We have a pair of beautiful antique high back chairs in right now. I didn't get pictures before they were stripped. I hope to get some when they are finished, although I'm not sure I'm pleased with the chosen fabric. Of course, we don't say over that.

What does a Celiac eat for breakfast? No, it's not a joke. Every box of cereal I've picked up has malt flavoring in it. Oatmeal is out of the question. Sure, I could have eggs, but then I'd really want some toast and for me that is out. I suppose I could cook up some brown rice and fix it up like oatmeal. I think to save myself from morning starvation, I just might have to do that.



Now that I have that out of the way, I've been trying to keep myself sane. I have a partial that I need to get out. The only thing holding me back is my synopsis. Why, oh why, do I have such a hard time with the blasted thing? *sigh* Wish me luck.

I want to give a shout of congratulations to Anastasia. Her short story, A Visit From Sir Nicholas, has been released today. You can join her today at Romance Roundtable.

Hey y'all, I'm blogging about Christmas gifts for the writer in your life at Romance Roundtable today.

NASA, click on NASA to read about this awesome event. Venus is the lower brighter light. Jupiter, the higher duller one. The pictures are courtesy of my father and his digital camera. (Did I tell you mine bit the dust, or the cement?) If you click on the picture, you'll get a much larger, more beautiful image.




You can actually see the Earthshine.

is a wonderful book deal.

Is that too much to ask? Probably. Especially since I've been writing a little over two years now. And it's more than obvious my grammar skills continue to lack. Trust me when I say I've improved. Tremendously.

My short time on the road to publication doesn't stop me from wanting. Anything is possible. Including the improbable.

I've recently begun querying agents. Four, with two rejections. I'll query a fifth today. It's not exactly how I intended it, but sometimes that's how the ball rolls. With each query I submit, I get that queasy feeling in my stomach. Doubt pours down.

What if Agent X doesn't like my voice? Or my characters? The economic mess we're in fuels my doubts. My story might be good, but is it that good? Good enough to Pass Go and collect $200? And if it is, is it GREAT?

Only those I query can answer that question.

It wasn't that long ago I finished The Highlander's Hellion. It wasn't that long ago I survived revision hell. Now I'm working on my second round of polish, in some cases the third and fourth. And as I look back at my travels, I remember the overwhelming urge to fall flat on my face in exhaustion. Yet, there was a sense of exhilaration.

I want to send congratulations to several people that have passed milestones on their road. They deserve kudos. They deserve rest. They probably need a basket full of chocolate and a kettle of tea.

Kelly Arden- for writing when life gets in the way.

Maura K. Nye- for pushing through the words even when you don't feel it.

Laria Lee- for not quitting.

Terri Heitz- for trudging through revisions.

Sasha Allgood- for pushing that button. Thanks for sharing your manuscript with those of us at Fanlit Forever.

Alice Audrey- for finishing. Good luck with revisions.

Cynthia Ann Arends- for querying.

Beverley Kendall- for making that first sale, and in less than two years.

Anastasia St. James- for having your first release, December 3rd.