Today went much better. Don't get me wrong we had a few road bumps, but all in all there were no major catastrophes. It's much easier to NOT write when the kids are schooling. They seem to think if my concentration is elsewhere they don't need to do anything at all. I'm under the school of thought that for the majority of them, the two older ones, should be working on self-study. I tend to give them an assignment, make sure they understand the directions and MY expectations. If they need assistance, I am at their beck and call, literally. For some reason my son has decided from the day he was born that he would do all he could to control my life, even if that means I sit beside him while he does his work. I've been trying to break this school of thought for a while now. Once he turned 13, it kind of came back with a vengeance. But with a twist. He thinks I should be in the room, but he doesn't want me hovering over his shoulder to make sure he is actually doing his work.

Yesterday, we had to deal with things like dentist appointments, which left us away from the house for almost 3 hrs. Today, there was nothing planned. We were going to have a good day with no interruptions. *GRINS* By the time breakfast was served and books out, I became aware that dh left his cell phone. That has happened only one other time, ever! Now, no biggie right? Wrong, you see the shop phone was forwarded to the cell phone, which meant I played secretary for a few hours while trying to keep the kids focused on their studies. Good thing, I know a bit of sign language, and the bit I know, the kids fully understand. However try carrying on a conversation with a costumer all the while signing to your kids sit down do your work and be quiet, is kind of fun, NOT!

Sometime in the mix of all this, I received a phone call to please pick up my niece from pre-school, there was some miss communications or something like that, and since I live less than a mile, I am the obvious choice. It was a nice distraction, she has a way of brightening one's day.

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Once I stepped back and reflected on yesterday's events and why I was so tripping on doubt, it came to me. I received an arc yesterday morning, one that I will write a review for. Taking advantage of dentist office time, I began reading. It's lighthearted, witty, a lot of fun actually, "Boy, I wish I wrote this well." Right then and there, is when the depressive doubtful thoughts began their bombardment.

I was in funk. Then my cousin sent out an update on Avalie through caringbridge. At the bottom of the page she left a scripture-

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. Here let's refer back to the doubt and the many reasons I told myself I shouldn't be a writer.

It wasn't long after that, I came across Alysia Lyon's post on facebook. She opens with-

The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in time of trouble. Psalms 9:9 Again, let's refer back to my state of mind yesterday-the thought of giving up writing because I was no good, left me feeling very oppressed.

Is God speaking or what?

Later, Maura one of the most wonderful people in the world stopped by offering words of encouragement. Then Vicki Lane. I read all over Vicki's blog and came across an amazing post--A few months back, I came across a book that I really wanted to read, but hadn't had the chance. The title of that book is called The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch--This blog on Vicki's site led me to the youtube video of Randy's Last Lecture. If you need inspiration, it's worth the hour and sixteen minutes. Every bit of it. I'll warn you though, you'll need a box of Kleenex.



Now on to the point of all this-As soon as The Last Lecture was winding to an end, as I was wiping my eyes, right before I was to sit down and write my goal count for the day, and with God's words firm in my head, it hit me. I don't write like said author, because said author writes lighthearted witty romance. I don't write like said author because I am a dark writer. Cinderella didn't begin dancing at a ball with Prince Charming. Prince Charming didn't run from Cinderella in a game of cat and mouse. Cinderella began in a bad place with a wicked step-mother and misguided self-centered step-sisters. Cinderella did end with a happily ever after. And even though my characters begin in a bad place, they do meet that HEA.

Obviously, I write because that is who I am-it's God's will. And if I write realistic historical dark romance-that too is God's will. Don't forget the pray continually part or the always be thankful. I bet you're wondering if I really do pray over my writing. You betcha. Am I faithful to do it each time before I start typing? Unfortunately no. Should I? You betcha. Even over the more intimate scenes? You betcha! And yes, I have prayed over those, more so than the rest because those are the ones I am totally unsure if I am crossing a line or not. Will I begin to pray over every word I write? I sure will try. And I always try to be thankful for the blessings God has granted me, even when it's a brick wall.