I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to join a local writer's group if you have one. No matter what stage you are at, even if you're just toying with the idea, you should visit the group to better consider your options.

I often 'complain' about not having a local RWA chapter. For me, an hour and a half is not local, especially when you have no heat or air in your vehicle. Now, I'm not loud about it, not at all. And obviously I'm not too upset or I'd do something to change it. That very well could be due to the fact there is a wonderful writer's group right here in Topeka.

Some of us are published (no not me). Some of us have written thousands upon thousands of words, and query after query. Others of us have not written a word (again, not me). Each one of us are at different stages in our writing career. Some of us are active, others are stagnant, or in a holding pattern, others are on the run way plowing through the check list waiting for take off.

One gentleman, a mystery writer, has had several books published. Another, just signed a contract for a screenplay. One of our gals ghost writes, another has found success among the e-pubbed world. We have technical writers, journalists, children's book authors. There's a gal, I believe she's a lifelong missionary, who just returned from China; all her writing revolves around China.

There's something to be learned from each of these wonderful people. They share their experience of the publishing industry, as well as their victories and disappointments.

Why do I tell you all this? It really doesn't sound much like a confession, does it?

Well right now, I should actually be taking an exam or two. I also I have some Algebra work to do. I should be doing everything and anything but writing a confession. I mean really, my sink is full of dishes. Laundry is piled. And, don't tell my critique partners, but I haven't written more than 500 words this past week. All right, so I have but that was for a graded essay. It doesn't count.

Instead of going to the shop and working, or attending to my Algebra *shivers*, I went to my local writer's meeting. The program was awesome and entertaining. The Library Manager came in and shared with us resources to help with our research. I'm not a complete ditz, I totally know the library can be used for research. However, I did not know they had some of the resources she shared with us yesterday.

I can't remember the name of the book for the life of me, but I know where it's at. I know the pages were so brittle I had to wear white gloves in order to touch it. I also know there were hundreds of pages with detailed and simple artwork depicting armor and the weapons used.

She also brought out antique books on furniture and get this, wallpaper. Yes there was an entire book on wallpaper most of it used during the Regency and Victorian eras. It was absolutely fascinating.

Not only did she share some of the Moses Collection with us, but she also told us stories upon stories. This lady was a fount of historical information and not the kind you read in boring history books. This lady had the digs on history. She left me with several ideas to incorporate into my Kansas placed historicals. She also put a fire under my feet. I'm excited to get back to writing.

So if you're lagging in your writing, or even if you want to write and you're just not sure where to start-check your local library, somebody there is sure to point you in the right direction.

Doing the blog thing over at Romance Roundtable. See ya there!

To answer Laurie's question, yes I started classes today. So far not as bad as what I thought it would be. It's all doable.

I sent out several queries over the weekend before Mercury went retrograde. What does that mean you ask? For those of you who don't know, it can mean complete and utter chaos in my communication field. For some reason, I'm very sensitive to a retrogradic Mercury. So there is no way I'm sending queries and requested material until Mercury goes back to behaving as it should.

Seriously though, I'm not one to pay too much attention to astrology. I don't know enough about to understand the ins and outs of it. What I do know is that when a planet is in retrograde it appears to be moving backwards. If you're curious you should google it, there's a lot of interesting information. There's even information on how it pertains to you and your Zodiac sign.

Is it off the wall for a person to question one's own sanity? Because I'm questioning mine. I haven't developed any twitches yet. And I have not started spewing out four letter words that may or may not be consider curse words.

I am however beginning to feel that overwhelming need for air. That feeling that comes right before hyperventilation. The one that leads to panic.

What have I gotten myself into?

You got to love him. I love puppies in general. They are so cute and cuddly. This picture was taken almost a year ago. And he's still cute and cuddly. He has this thing for laying on my feet. It can get annoying at times, but for the most part it's nice to know he loves me.

Today, the kids have either been away from the house or sick in bed. Poor Tankie has had nobody to play with him. He keeps bringing Katie a ball. She's the one sick in bed, and he'll lay his head on the edge of the bed whining and wagging his tale. I have pictures of Tank aka The Beast with the ball hanging out the side of his mouth. I even have video of his play growl, which would scare any grown man. Trust me, he's kind of scary. But he's so darn cute.

Today went much better. Don't get me wrong we had a few road bumps, but all in all there were no major catastrophes. It's much easier to NOT write when the kids are schooling. They seem to think if my concentration is elsewhere they don't need to do anything at all. I'm under the school of thought that for the majority of them, the two older ones, should be working on self-study. I tend to give them an assignment, make sure they understand the directions and MY expectations. If they need assistance, I am at their beck and call, literally. For some reason my son has decided from the day he was born that he would do all he could to control my life, even if that means I sit beside him while he does his work. I've been trying to break this school of thought for a while now. Once he turned 13, it kind of came back with a vengeance. But with a twist. He thinks I should be in the room, but he doesn't want me hovering over his shoulder to make sure he is actually doing his work.

Yesterday, we had to deal with things like dentist appointments, which left us away from the house for almost 3 hrs. Today, there was nothing planned. We were going to have a good day with no interruptions. *GRINS* By the time breakfast was served and books out, I became aware that dh left his cell phone. That has happened only one other time, ever! Now, no biggie right? Wrong, you see the shop phone was forwarded to the cell phone, which meant I played secretary for a few hours while trying to keep the kids focused on their studies. Good thing, I know a bit of sign language, and the bit I know, the kids fully understand. However try carrying on a conversation with a costumer all the while signing to your kids sit down do your work and be quiet, is kind of fun, NOT!

Sometime in the mix of all this, I received a phone call to please pick up my niece from pre-school, there was some miss communications or something like that, and since I live less than a mile, I am the obvious choice. It was a nice distraction, she has a way of brightening one's day.

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Once I stepped back and reflected on yesterday's events and why I was so tripping on doubt, it came to me. I received an arc yesterday morning, one that I will write a review for. Taking advantage of dentist office time, I began reading. It's lighthearted, witty, a lot of fun actually, "Boy, I wish I wrote this well." Right then and there, is when the depressive doubtful thoughts began their bombardment.

I was in funk. Then my cousin sent out an update on Avalie through caringbridge. At the bottom of the page she left a scripture-

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. Here let's refer back to the doubt and the many reasons I told myself I shouldn't be a writer.

It wasn't long after that, I came across Alysia Lyon's post on facebook. She opens with-

The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in time of trouble. Psalms 9:9 Again, let's refer back to my state of mind yesterday-the thought of giving up writing because I was no good, left me feeling very oppressed.

Is God speaking or what?

Later, Maura one of the most wonderful people in the world stopped by offering words of encouragement. Then Vicki Lane. I read all over Vicki's blog and came across an amazing post--A few months back, I came across a book that I really wanted to read, but hadn't had the chance. The title of that book is called The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch--This blog on Vicki's site led me to the youtube video of Randy's Last Lecture. If you need inspiration, it's worth the hour and sixteen minutes. Every bit of it. I'll warn you though, you'll need a box of Kleenex.



Now on to the point of all this-As soon as The Last Lecture was winding to an end, as I was wiping my eyes, right before I was to sit down and write my goal count for the day, and with God's words firm in my head, it hit me. I don't write like said author, because said author writes lighthearted witty romance. I don't write like said author because I am a dark writer. Cinderella didn't begin dancing at a ball with Prince Charming. Prince Charming didn't run from Cinderella in a game of cat and mouse. Cinderella began in a bad place with a wicked step-mother and misguided self-centered step-sisters. Cinderella did end with a happily ever after. And even though my characters begin in a bad place, they do meet that HEA.

Obviously, I write because that is who I am-it's God's will. And if I write realistic historical dark romance-that too is God's will. Don't forget the pray continually part or the always be thankful. I bet you're wondering if I really do pray over my writing. You betcha. Am I faithful to do it each time before I start typing? Unfortunately no. Should I? You betcha. Even over the more intimate scenes? You betcha! And yes, I have prayed over those, more so than the rest because those are the ones I am totally unsure if I am crossing a line or not. Will I begin to pray over every word I write? I sure will try. And I always try to be thankful for the blessings God has granted me, even when it's a brick wall.

I'm in a really tripped out place right now. I have all these plots running around in my head, all of them with a huge amount of promise. As a writer that is a good thing. But for me, right now, probably not so much.

You see I finished THH-it may need a little more polish, but over all it's done. I need to feel free of it, yet at the same time, I need it to be the best it can be. From the beginning, I feared I wouldn't be worthy of this story needing to be told. Yesterday, I felt good. Relieved. Felt as if I could move on. Somewhere between 1:00 a.m. and 8:00 a.m. I did a 180. I'm freaking, the doubts are crashing in like a grapefruit size hailstorm, which means I will yet again hit THH this week. You know, just to make sure.

Beside that fact that THH won't let go(visa versa), I have started heavily into THO, the third in my series. No, the second isn't finished. Why, you ask? Well I'm not even sure, except that I've come to some things in the third book that will make a difference in the second. Things I didn't quite have flushed out at the time. I'm still not even sure they are flushed to where I want them.

I also have this plot that came to me. Actually it was a flash of a scene that was so vivid it was beyond real. In the last several days, I've been bombarded with this repeated theme. It's like I have to write this story.

Juggling all these stories typically wouldn't be a big deal, other than I'm wallowing in self-doubt. However, and in case you don't know, I homeschool my kids, so we are fighting our way back into the swing of things. Dental appointments, music lessons, and cyclic illnesses reaching their cycles make things a little hard for the transition to move smoothly.

On top of all that, I start my own set of full-time classes come next Monday. The good news, I love literature and geography. Those classes I'm hoping will be very enjoyable. I'm a little nervous about Comp II, funny coming from a writer. Then there is Algebra, I didn't get in high school. I hope my brain has developed some sort of math abilities over the last 20 years. (oops gave my age) One thing I know now that I didn't then, is my tendency to reverse numbers. Being aware should (fingers crossed) help.

In all reality I could be tripping on--well everything. And the kids are choosing to fight and nitpick about anything and everything. You'd think after having a wonderful fantabulous Christmas, they'd count their blessings and be thankful.

I'm sure my doubt is just a phase and it'll pass in a day or two, but for now, just know if y'all come looking for me, I'm in a cave hiding.

I'm blogging @ Romance Roundtable today.